Coming out...The other side of the confession

This story is for and about my brother. It's about what I was feeling on my side. I would love for him to give me insight which will come later but this is mine. When my brother was little he was always sensitive to certain stuff, here I thought he was a cry baby when no there was a battle going on in his mind. I didn't know what his deal was when he was in 8th grade. He wouldn't talk to anyone about what he was feeling. He closed everyone off. I was a senior in high school at the time and I remember sitting at my bus stop crying because my mother asked if Kevin was on drugs and I told her I don't think so. Then we got the horror that he was so depressed and he would commit suicide. The thought never left my mind to where I was crying every night praying that whatever haunted him would go away. I woke up one night to a noise of shuffling and I saw my brother taking big bags of clothes to our father's house. When I asked why he said that he couldn't take being around our mom. He and my mom never really saw eye to eye on certain stuff and Kev would take it to heart. The fighting and yelling was just so much he decided leaving would be the best. I cried that night too and called mom to tell her that her son moved out. After that night I kept wondering what was so wrong. Time went by where my mom and brother wouldn't talk and eventually Kev and I stopped talking too. I would stop by every now and then to see how he was doing but nothing longer than a few minutes. When Kev started high school I thought that would help with whatever was bothering him but it seemed he never wanted to talk about it. Then I got a phone call at 1 in the morning from our now step-brother Alex. He said he and Kevin wanted to do a McDonald's run and I said okay. I would get to see my little brother and I was bored anyway. After I picked them up, got our food and made it back to my dad's is when Alex said, "So Jamie, Kevin has something he wants to tell you." My brother cleared his throat and looked my square in the face and said "I'm gay." Those two words I thought I would never hear from my brother came at me like a freight train. Not saying it was bad at the time but it was just as surprising. I asked if dad knew and he said he did and everyone else at my dad’s house. They all accept it but he told me not to tell our mother for she was a very religious woman. Kevin was afraid that she would cast him out, never talk to him again, or dis-own him. The next year passed and I accepted my brother's life the way it was. He met some really great people like our friend Walter. Walter has been out of the closet for a while and he was my brother's first real boyfriend. I think he helped him understand that it's OK to be who you are and to always keep your head up. Kevin moved back home, I forget why he moved back, I think it was because all of his new friends were in walking distance from mom's house. My brother was still depressed because I learned that he was being bullied. I will never forget the night I was getting something fixed on my car and I used my dad’s car to pick Kevin up from band practice and he was in tears. He told me that the guys behind him kept kicking his chair and calling him "Faggot" and saying does he like it and would be complete assholes about it. They would push him and just make it to where my brother didn't want to go to school. I wrapped my arms around him because I was so sad, so angry. I wanted these boys to pay for making someone they don't even know feel like they are nothing. Our dad never really was the parent to go to the school and say 'hey these kids are bullying my son'. I was the mother figure since our mother worked at night and I was over the age of 18. I called myself the legal daytime guardian for him. Then after Kev and Walter broke up they stayed very close friends. My brother had 2 other guys in his life which they broke up too. Kevin was depressed about that and the sadder he was the more distant he was and my mom would question. She would ask if he's on drugs again and then the fighting happened again. Finally I got so sick of it one day and just said tell her already! It was starting to become a burden on me too. The day me and him decided that he should tell mom that he was gay he was so nervous. I was nervous. We didn't know what she was going to say or do. I drove myself to our dad's house and he rode with our mom and basically said "Mom I'm gay" He said he watched her face to see if she would be angry but she said "I kind of already knew" They hugged and that was it, until we got home and Kevin went out with friends. She told me what my brother said and I had to confess I already knew for 2 years. She didn't like that very much but me and Kev promised to never tell her our father knew before her. The reason why he knew first was because one, he was an atheist and didn't have a religion to throw in his face, and two, that's where my brother stayed for a year and a half. I kept telling my mother that this was a big thing for my brother and this is why he was so depressed that he had feelings for boys instead of girls. Our mother stayed in denial for a while saying it was phase and it would pass. It never did and I told her it wouldn't. We lost Walter to swine-flu in October of 2009 and it was heartbreaking, more for him than me. Like I said before Walter was always there for my brother, his first love, his first friend who understood what he was feeling. I talk to the people who have passed on even if I look like the crazy person I can feel them. I could feel Walter one day and said "Thank you. Thank you for helping Kevin when he needed it. Thank you for pushing him when he needed. Thank you for everything you could do." Kevin had a dream about Walter a few nights after the funeral had passed and it was him in the hallway at school hugging him and saying I'm okay. He told our mom and that's when she believed Walter was an angel and Kevin would stay the same for the rest of his life. And she loved him no matter what. What really bugs me is, now don't judge me I do believe in god and the devil but I'm not pushing this onto anyone, My mom told me Kev had another dream about Walter and they were standing on a cliff I think and Walter told Kevin, "Join me so we can be together." That unsettled I and I think he was in suck a low place at the time the devil saw that as an opportunity to come into his mind. My mom hugged Kevin and said "No, Walter would never ask you to join him when you have your own plan down here." Now it's the year of 2013 and I'm writing this. If you're asking yourself 'you did this without his permission' this is where you’re wrong. I did ask my brother if I could write this. Again this is from my side and I would have to sit down with him and ask then sit down with my dad step-mom and our mother to get their side, but this. This is mine. My brother has gone through so much since that day of fully coming out to everyone in his life. I am very proud of him for the person he is. Now that Kevin is 21 he is finally getting his life together. He has gone through some ups and downs. He still somewhat depressed but not as much since he has a steady job he loves, two, yes two men that take care of him. If you’re thinking it's disgusting just know, don't judge a book by its cover. I finally met these two saviors at the end of April and I have to say they were a lot of fun and the two coolest people I have met. My mother likes them a lot and so does Pat. Our aunt is still confused on how this relationship works but we figured we wouldn't explain. My brother can do that when he wants too. There are a couple things I want to tell them though, Thank you for helping him. Thank you for getting the help that he needs. Thank you for taking him in and just showing that there is more to love. My brother's life is no concern of anyone else’s; this is why I push equal rights and what not. Everyone should marry who they love, (And to you people saying oh so they can marry their sister right?) wrong, I'm not saying that. To be honest if you think about it we all started from somewhere and connected somehow, whether it be GOD giving us life or a microorganism, we are all connected...Anyway what I'm saying is that if you love them you have a right to marry them. For the very religious people, stop thinking your better than everyone around you. What is it that I was taught, oh yeah, GOD does not hate. He hates sin and being gay, lesbian, transgendered; bi-sexual is not a sin. I hate when people throw the bible at others and say this isn't right. First of all step back and look at yourself. You look ridiculous saying God said this and God said that. Show me where he hates people. Never says it anywhere. Never did the bible say HE hates. No, he loves everyone one of us. I believe there is a path were all travel but get distracted by something that can turn certain people evil. Like rapists and murderers. This is what I believe. I love my brother, I love my gay friends, and I love everyone. If they don't throw whatever at my face I won't do the same. That's why at my part time job, I tell everyone there, I love them even though some don't believe in God or a god. I tell them that I love them because they don't go, well your God's fake, and your God is blah blah. No they keep quiet and I don't throw my religion in their faces like some people do. I hate the people who walk up to me and say do you believe? And I reply yes, cuz I do, but if I'm standing next to a person who doesn't, they completely ignore them, which is rude and not what is right.
This goes out to people who are trying to understand what someone goes through when they want to come out or scared, or for the people that are trying to come out. Just know it's okay and you always have people who love you. If your family says they hate you, take yourself away from them. Move in with a friend or talk to someone. There is always someone who wants to listen, like I listen to my brother. I wish he still lived home so I can see him every day and have the fun that we used to have. This is my side of the story. Now what's yours?